Three days before I called my therapist to make my first appointment, I had made up about 20 reasons why I didn't need therapy. After all, I am a therapist so if I couldn't figure it out something was clearly wrong with me, right?
I spent days looking for the 'perfect' fit and spent hours telling myself, "I don't need therapy. I just need to get over it.”
This isn’t everyone’s experience, but I am here to tell you it is okay to not feel great about starting therapy.
Deciding to reach out to ask a therapist for help is extremely brave and extremely hard.
I remember after the first session I felt better. My therapist was nice and I felt like I was practicing good 'self-care'. A couple of sessions in I began to realize therapy was hard. I didn't want to go back. I was getting angry because talking about all the 'junk' just mad me irritable. I was less able to deal with day to day stressors. I pushed through because I was told by many therapist friends that it is 'normal' to have therapy feel hard before it feels helpful.
They were partially right. I have found that there are many highs and lows in therapy (in my experience as a client and a therapist). You'll discover something about yourself and you'll get stressed, mad, sad, irritated, or feel another way about it. Then, by doing the work, you will heal. And your therapist will be there with you so you won't have to take the journey alone.
If you are thinking about starting therapy, know you are brave, it gets easier, and any emotions you are having are okay.